Gifting the unfairer sex

Love hearts fired into the skies by mini-cupids on a romantic weekend in Paris, miniature teddy bears holding 'I love you' balloons, flute after flute of inhibition-loosening champagne (cava, if you can get away with it), a charming potted orchid (for the senior lady) or a bunch of blood red roses (for the hot-blooded young nympho), racy lingerie (M&S does the trick), some Blahniks or Jimmy Choos (just get the right shoe size - 8 equals clown feet) , a mini-iceberg from Tiffany or 'vintage' jewellery as worn by that sentimental aunt......all are accepted graciously (or otherwise) on Valentines Day by the 'unfairer' sex.....but for the love of God...don't buy chocolate......its purchase almost amounts to a hate crime....she can buy it (on the down low), but you can't, my brother man...so drop that Toblerone and put your hands in the air...play hacky-sack with your Ferrero Rocher....a bit of blow football with those maltesers....and your love may live to bloom...for another day at least......