It was all Jenas' fault

Halt the mass suicide. The football ‘Rapture’ has not started yet. Don’t believe the moody nutter wearing an ‘end is nigh’ billboard on Tottenham High Road. He’s clearly a mentalist. Put down that small bottle of colourful pills and return to your sofa for further instructions. Spurs (may) have qualified for the Champions League.

What a strange way to end a season, not knowing if its efforts will be rewarded or rescinded in a week’s time in Munich. The post-match atmosphere at White Hart Lane following Spurs’ 2-0 win over Fulham was confused, like a drunk who has been handed a Bacardi Breezer after closing time. Is this a good thing?

Should Chelsea triumph at Bayern’s Allianz Arena having beaten Barcelona (with what I would politely term ‘billionaire’s luck’) and overturned a 1-3 deficit to a lively Napoli then few can (fairly) begrudge them. Truthfully, the unfortunate/fortunate reign of Andres Villas-Boas allowed Spurs to nip ahead of a team that has paid scant regard to Michel Platini’s ‘Financial Fair Play’ rules with obscene wages and vulgar transfer fees courtesy of a Russian owner with the look of death in his eyes.

Meanwhile, Daniel Levy ‘saves money’ for either ‘the next manager’, ‘a new stadium’ or to preserve a ‘tip-top balance sheet’. Regardless of next Saturday’s result in Germany, a change in strategy is imperative before 2012/13 with Chelsea and other rivals resurgent. The ‘imminent signings’ of Jan Vertonghen and Loic Remy would revive my flagging faith in our chairman’s frugal transfer policy though I’m braced for Roger Johnson and Yakubu at around 11.55pm on August 31st.

It was a good season for people who enjoy ‘open marriages’. Robin Van Persie’s phenomenal (and disappointingly injury-free) campaign before his inevitable move for more money (but, you know, he’ll always love Arsenal) allowed the old enemy to clinch third by a single point. A ten point advantage was eroded in late February like a dash of bleach on a toilet bowl causing much consternation among Spurs fans. It’s worth noting, however, that Arsenal finished 21 points ahead of Spurs in 2009. The open bus-top parade down the Holloway Road is on hold for another season. Abou Diaby somehow remains on £70,000-a-week (though his lady friend has to be better looking than Jermain Defoe’s recent ‘companion’. Christ, he doesn’t even drink).

The season could (and probably should) have been much better, yet only a few weeks ago an ailing Spurs looked nailed on for sixth with Newcastle and Chelsea picking up points like teenaged drivers. This is a small comfort to some and a great comfort to others. I can understand either argument. However, Chris Foy’s scandalous performance at the Britannia Stadium arguably cost us third, as did several wrongly disallowed Adebayor goals (notably vs Chelsea, vs Wolves, vs Stoke) while Jermain Defoe’s misplaced slide at the Etihad Stadium ultimately defined a season.

So is the glass half empty or half full? Did Spurs blow it or nail it? Honestly? The truth lies somewhere inbetween. I won’t be topping myself though inevitably there is someone out there who still believes it was all Jermaine Jenas’ fault.

Should Bayern Munich beat Chelsea next Saturday, you might see me parading around Highgate Village in lederhosen with an open can of Lowenbrau. I’ll buy one for you, too, if you ask me nicely. Otherwise, I’ll be back at White Hart Lane in August full of mad love and loyalty, just as before. Look forward to seeing you there.

Yakubu and Roger Johnson can't wait to get started.