Carol Vorderman can correctly identify a vowel or a consonant. She can also do times-tables to a very high standard. This means that when she says all your problems will disappear with a quick and easy £20,000 loan….you should listen!
She’s not doing it for the money. She’s doesn’t want to see people who have fallen on hard times slip further into arrears and destitution. She is here to help. Not got enough money for a cab home….don’t worry, Carol will….hook…you….up!
A loan solves everything! Just ask Gordon Brown!
[Telephone rings] ‘Managing Director of Northern Rock here….you know, the Geordie bank….got a bit of a problem, Gord.’ ‘Okay MD, you’re on speakerphone. What’s that, Darling?’ [High pitched voice, very excited, interrupts] ‘How about a loan! A really big one!’ ‘What a marvellous idea! Pay it back when you like! I love rescuing failed business vehicles.’
Hey desperate, or easy-to-con, homeowners! Don’t worry! If you own a house, you can be as financially reckless as you like! You should release the money that’s ‘tied up’ in your home. What’s it doing in there, silly? You should get lypo! Botox for the kids! Life’s magic with a loan!!!!
[Concerned man fumbles in his wallet at a bar]. ‘I’m sorry I don’t have enough money. Wait, there’s Carol Vorderman! Excuse me, Carol, can you lend me a fiver?’