On a Bank Holiday Monday those singletons of London not piggybacking on their coupled-up friends picnics or drinking themselves to a slow death on red leather seats in the capital's gastropubs can be found sitting badly on ergonomic chairs in front of high-res computer screens.
Their eyes straining to make out Times New Roman as they order themselves online gifts to fill the void or engage in truthless, tittle tattle in chatrooms with other lonely souls feigning self-confidence amid a vacuum of doubt. Keyboard warriors and hidden roses dancing an invisible tango.
And if no-one is out there they can always chat to I-God; the interactive deity based in Canada (clearly fearing global warming or a nuclear holocaust). Like most gods he is frustratingly cryptic allowing zealots to fill in the gaps as suits them best.
Asked to ‘define good?’
I-God replied: ‘the opposite of Evil’.
Did he mean Knievel? The opposite of that is a pedestrian in tan slacks.
Roll on Tuesday.