Sunday, May 6, 2012

CSI Birmingham: Danny Rose ‘ate my hamster’

Alex McLeish is a dead ringer for CSI Miami’s David Caruso (or a gecko that has been freshly dipped in orange juice). In today’s post-match press conference, McLeish apparently referenced Tottenham’s ‘missing girls’ which briefly sparked a nationwide manhunt only for authorities to belatedly discover that the incomprehensible Scot was talking about Spurs’ profligacy in front of goal.

The misunderstandings continued apace. After rookie left-back Danny Rose scythed down occasional father-beater Alan Hutton and was red-carded on 50 joy-free minutes, he suffered a torrent of inexplicable online abuse.

In defiant riposte, one wag quipped and flipped a famous Sun headline ‘Danny Rose ate my hamster’ which after a couple of edited retweets was rapidly transformed into ‘Danny Rose mates with Abu Hamza’. The Daily Mail went apeshit.

So is Danny Rose a shoebomber-in-waiting? Are Harry Redknapp and Kevin Bond ‘an item’? Is that long drive from Sandbanks one big uncomfortable lie? Are Tottenham, as a club, finished and out dead on their feet? No.

Everyone hoped (and prayed to any deity bored enough to listen) that Spurs would short circuit the over-defensive stagnation that has punctuated Villa’s season (more draws than an incontinent pensioner). But it didn’t happen. Force majeure maybe. A deflected Villa goal, one rash tackle and more missed shots than a drunken cheerleader were unfortunately timed, at best.

Maybe Harry Redknapp should have played more strikers. Maybe Daniel Levy should have signed them. But we bite the bullet or the pillow and move on because next Sunday against Fulham a win guarantees fourth place and offers a pretty decent shot of securing third if a weakening Arsenal falter at The Hawthorns.

We demand our players should not give up under pressure and neither should we. Get behind the team and roar them over the finishing line.

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