Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Big Sam Theory (disproved by Defoe)

Scientists insist that Sam Allardyce was not responsible for the creation of the universe, even if the West Ham manager believes himself to be the centre of it. Some 13.75 billion years after the universe was created, a second big bang was audible in North London. The noise was the sound of Allardyce’s pre-match comments backfiring.

Allardyce, once linked (by himself!) to the Real Madrid job, had been in bullish mood ahead of West Ham’s visit to White Hart Lane, predicting Spurs vulnerability and fatigue after Thursday’s excursion to Rome. ‘Big Sam’ was at least partially correct. The celebrations were exhausting.

Andy Carroll and the West Ham caravan rolled into N17 with the third best defence in the league. They rolled out chastened and pointless after Tottenham’s most encouraging home display this season. The old fluency returned after recent patchy performances. Jermain Defoe’s livewire run and finish just before the break sparked an enterprising second half where home goals looked as likely as they have all season.

The maligned Clint Dempsey suddenly came to the fore, rattling the bar before unlocking the West Ham backline with a clever dink that released the rampaging Gareth Bale for a crucial second. Shortly afterwards, the ‘US player of the year’ capitalised on some excellent defensive play by Tom Huddlestone and Sandro to set the scampering Aaron Lennon free before the winger’s unselfish cross brought Defoe his second goal and breathing space for Spurs.

After his heroics in Rome, Hugo Lloris retained his place in goal and showed cat-like awareness in the box, snuffing out rare West Ham attacks and critically denying a breakaway equaliser with a smart interception from a Kevin Nolan cross moments before Spurs took control via Bale and Defoe. A less than stellar clearance by Stephen Caulker denied Tottenham an elusive clean sheet, but Carroll’s pony-tailed nod was scant consolation for West Ham in their 'cup final'.

The last time they won at White Hart Lane was 1999. Back then celebrity Hammer Russell Brand was as high as a kite. He still had more perspective than Big Sam. Bang.

*** Despite previous indiscretions, I made another guest appearance on the excellent Fighting Cock podcast this week. Tune in here.

6 comments:

IKnowAlanGilzean said...

It was a fine second half for the most part. We needed the goal to release us, so it was a shame Bale's shot came down on the wrong side of the bar in the first 20.

For younger ones out there or Spurs fans with kids, or just fans of Japanese animation, I have in mind the goalkeeper from Inazuma's Eleven whenever I see Hugo Lloris play.

The King back at the Lane. Marvellous: I know Alan Gilzean And Alan Gilzean knows me...

It's never dull, the Fighting Cock Podcast. Good to put a voice to your excellent pieces here Lust Doctor.

'Lust Doctor' said...

Thank you, IKnowAlanGilzean. Must have been great for you to see the legendary Gilzean back at the Lane. The first goal is critical to any Spurs home performance. Yesterday's fine team display was a wonderful, boo-free antidote to recent games at WHL.

Steve Diamond said...

Hahaha. I was working in a pub with my shirt on, surrounded by the West Ham faithful and when Carroll got their goal, the whole pub erupted in "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" A single solitary voice behind the bar started singing "When the Spurs come marching in".

I have a LOUD voice!!!!

'Lust Doctor' said...

Nice one, Steve. You had the last laugh. I hope your service was painfully slow!

IKnowAlanGilzean said...

Sadly, I'm a long long way from the Lane these days. Though just hearing he was finally back filled me with much joy and warmth. I think Gilly would have enjoyed that second half.

'Lust Doctor' said...

I think you are right, IKAG. Gilly would have been in his element. What a player.