Sunday, September 19, 2010

Parental discretion is advised

WARNING: The following blog contains a swear word; if you are offended by profanity and enjoy the gentle antics of Mr. Tumble on Something Special...we strongly advise you stop here, you ****ing lightweight.

Swearing at football...should it carry the death penalty? Isn’t a game 90 minutes where all our problems seem insignificant in the face of our heroes struggle for three points? Sometimes the bottled up emotion pours out when you are trailing 0-1 to Mick McCarthy’s cloggers. Wolverhampton, where rape is legal, play with the subtlety of a kiddie fiddler on a bouncy castle. Last week Wanderers decapitated poor Bobby Zamora and yesterday it was our turn to face 'Mick The Kick’s’ boys.

So with another 0-1 defeat to a very ordinary Wolves side on the cards, I swore in frustration (more than a few times) at the Wolves fans and some outraged ‘fan’ complained to a steward anonymously. I wish I hadn’t lost my composure, they were the ridiculous rantings of a pissed-off supporter, but there were no fatalities. What made matters worse is the ‘fan’ wildly exaggerated my crime, saying I swear non-stop every week (apparently when Spurs are winning), presumably to get me into trouble. I don’t have a problem with swearing, but then I don’t spend my days making jam for the local Women’s Institute.

What I said wouldn’t have drawn comment at an away game, but in the fake sanitized home atmosphere in the eyes of this ‘supporter’ it equates to choking a meerkat to death on children’s television. The perversity was a few minutes later the entire end was singing '1-0 and you fucked it up'. ‘Supergrass’ was presumably softly weeping in his seat.

Bizarrely, you can still racially abuse Emmanuel Adebayor at White Hart Lane - as long as you don’t include a swear word. I have never sung that song and never will. I don’t agree with it, but I certainly wouldn’t complain to a steward. I have better things to do with my life than trying to shop other supporters.

A football stadium is not a place for the easily offended. Neither is life.


Anonymous said...

You should try making jam for the Women's Institute, it's very therapeutic, the ladies find your work invaluable for the local community, and quite frankly it's fucking good laugh too.

Tom said...

You must've been sitting near me then mate, but thankfully I didn't have a plonker in my vicinity because I offend myself sometimes. I can't help it but during those 90 minutes I go from a meek mannered Peter Crouch lookalike to a character in a Quentin Tarantino film.

At one point the wife had to have a word after I screamed for Redknapp to do something because he was being out-thought by a down syndrome adult. I have nothing against people with that disability and I'm sure many would be offended at the thought I compared them to Mick McCarthy, but I could see why someone might find that offensive. Thankfully, those around me usually find my rants and raves vaguely amusing.

I'll swap seats with you at the next home game and I'll give that fan something to really complain about. COYS

lustdoctor said...

Great post Tom. Mick McCarthy comment - PMSL.