Friday, December 10, 2010

Match of the Day exclusive: Bale joins United!

I like browsing the shelves of my local newsagent. I often look out for the piles of unsold Arsenal magazines and place a rival publication over the top of Theo Walcott’s gurning, underachieving mug to dissuade potential purchasers. It’s a simple case of re-administering karma.

So imagine my surprise when I noticed the cover of the latest 'Match of the Day' magazine featuring none other than Gareth Bale wearing a Manchester United shirt! I’m so glad the BBC and its affiliate magazines continue to spunk our license fee money up the wall with joyful abandon. It’s bring on Brucie and the dancing tarts!

The offending magazine was sealed in plastic so I couldn’t tell you if Nani was pictured inside wearing a girl’s blouse or whether Sir Alex Ferguson’s head had been pasted on to Rab C. Nesbitt’s body. I do know Fergie is more likely to be wandering the streets of Govan pissed in a string vest than Bale playing for United in 2011.

So Spurs fans, don’t buy your kids 'Match of the Day' magazine, bury all copies under bags of Werthers Original and drive those feckless photoshoppers to the local job centre, where they belong with Rab and the rest.

***Meanwhile, Gareth Bale ‘the Tottenham player’ is in the running for the Team of the Year 2010. Unfortunately, he is up against the rather useful Andres Iniesta! But you can still make a difference by voting for the Welsh wunderkind at

***The Lust Doctor was in Enschede this week (preserved in ice briefly). Brutally cold weather and an eccentric referee could not deny Spurs top spot in arguably the toughest of Champions League groups. From the madness of Berne to the brilliance of Bale with an avalanche of goals and a humbling of the European champions, this has been a journey like no other. And it ain't over yet....'Wembley, Wembley, Tottenham Hotspur are going to Wembley'?

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