Thursday, August 26, 2010

David Pleat’s Champions League Chalkboard #2

In the second of an, er, eight-part series, four-time Tottenham manager David Pleat analyses his former club’s tactics on the Champions League stage.

"I love a Brazilian if it’s tastefully done, yet Heurelho Gomes’ orange strip was highly unsatisfactory. The Tottenham goalkeeper is a wonderful shot-stopper, it’s just unfortunate he has the pain threshold of a one-year-old child in a pillow fight.

"In the first half of Tottenham’s four-nil blitz of Young Boys, Gomes’ mental fragility was severely tested when the Swiss frontline took turns in pelting him with babybel cheese that had matured beyond its best before date.

"The stricken Gomes fell to his haunches. The hardened red casing left light bruising on his beach legs and he knew the club physio had run out of Mr. Men plasters at the previous fixture at Stoke.

"He immediately demanded to be substituted. Already two goals ahead, Spurs' defence briefly lost its composure. Michael Dawson became acutely aware that his fridge did not contain enough cheese for his traditional late night toastie and became sullen and belligerent.

"The mood changed when Gomes was substituted at half-time and defensive partner Ledley King informed Dawson of the 30 all-night Turkish convenience stores that pepper the Tottenham High Road. Spurs duly romped to a 4-0 victory.

"Gomes' fine ball-handling skills outweigh his courage. However, I am reminded of one Michael Jackson; a great pop star, but a dreadful babysitter. No-one is good at everything. See you in Bremen."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Darling Harold was able to enjoy a bacon sandwich and a mug of tea for his late night snack as he is no longer in the market for anyone allegedly and Daniel could afford to treat him as a result.