Sunday, August 15, 2010

Eternal sunshine of the Gallas mind

Paris in August. Is there any more beautiful place in the world? French international defender Bill Gallas spreads a glob of nutella on a fresh baguette during a breakfast meeting with his agent and breaks into an uncontrollable grin.

“I think I will join Tottenham. Les Lillywhites. It will be like Arsenal and Chelsea before..they will love me there. They adored Sol Campbell.”

“In 1999,” said the dumbfounded agent. “Seriously, have you been following football closely, Willie? Do you ever listen to the away fans?”

“I distinctly remember in April...a large section of the Tottenham crowd singing, ‘Gallas, Gallas, worth a punt! Gallas...worth a punt!’ They were aware my contract was winding down.”

“Er, I don’t think that’s what they said. You didn’t have the greatest world cup, maybe a few stress-free years in Greek football are what’s needed?”

“What do you mean? I had a wonderful experience in South Africa. The team spirit was tres magnifique! Former President Mandela specifically asked to meet me but I was undergoing the post-match drug test.”

“ are taking the piss?”

“Non, non, that was a FIFA official. I filled three cups. Too much Powerade! I want to join Tottenham. I want! I want!”

“I don’t like to see you upset, Willie. I remember how you reacted when Eduardo was nearly decapitated at Birmingham.”

Bill’s eyes moisten as he recalls the horror of St. Andrews. “Our wives were away that weekend so Eddy and I planned to visit Spearmint Rhino. When I saw him lying there seriously injured, bound for a Birmingham hospital, I knew...I knew...that dream was over. It’s settled. I am joining Tottenham.”

“Okay,” sighed the agent, speed-dialling Harry Redknapp. “Jermaine Jenas will be delighted to see you.”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is fantastic! Nearly wet myself when it came to reading the bit about the urine sample!