“It’s transfer deadline day and Sky Sports News HD can exclusively reveal that our very own Bryan Swanson is in a tree overlooking Spurs' training ground at Chigwell.”
“Bryan, any news from up there?”
“I am up here due to a restraining order granted to Charlotte Jackson yesterday. It states I must be 20 feet in the air at all times.“
“I think that was a joke, Bryan. You can’t believe everything people tell you.”
“My sources tell me that Spurs will be involved in two deadline day swoops, the first of whom is already here at their training ground. It’s an Italian, we believe from one of the Milan clubs. I didn’t quite catch his name. Espero, I think. We’ll have to check Wikipedia and Youtube as this story develops. The other is an experienced international from former Premier League champions....oh, there’s Harry now. Harry! Harry! Up here!”
“What the fuck are you doing up there, you muppet?”
“Er, ha ha. Can you tell us about this morning’s purchase....Espero from Milan?”
“Espero? You mean the espresso. That was for Bondy. He gets up so early to drive me from Sandbanks he can’t go to the khazi without one."
“Oh. Wait, who is that with you in the hoodie? I can’t believe it. This is a sensational return....that we can exclusively reveal live...on...Sky Sports.... H....deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
Swanson’s fall is broken by Alan Hutton’s illegally parked Aston Martin. Redknapp and the mysterious hooded individual burst into laughter.
“That’s the seventh ITK this week!” chuckles Harry. “Oh well, there’s always another one. Come on, Pascal. Let’s get you signed up. We’re down to our last five right backs.”