Tottenham are rubbish and other football facts

One of my best mates said today: “Even Paul Mahorn would score with Gareth Bale providing the crosses” and I was reminded of a game we both watched back in September 1997. Spurs beat Carlisle 3-2 with Mahorn on the scoresheet in front of a paltry 19,255 fans at the Lane. Thirteen years later we are beating the European Champions 3-1. Recognise.

The Lust Doctor’s main man and yellow-booted marvel Bill Gallas had a bloody good game against Inter and nursed rough diamond Younes Kaboul through some tricky patches. Experience.

Tottenham are rubbish. No longer. This is not 1997 or 2002. Take your fading football stereotypes and bin them. They are not recyclable. Bale, Modric and Van der Vaart are genuine world class players. We were drawn in arguably the toughest Champions League group and we lead it with style. Believe.

Gareth Bale is a force of nature. He has humility to match. But we are lucky to have the hottest property in world football. Liverpool’s best signing since Fernando Torres, Damien Comolli, beat Manchester United (Norwich City) and Arsenal to the punch and signed the Welsh Wizard for a meagre £5 million. Maybe Damien should be working the stocks. Merci.

Nani is the name of a venereal disease in Burkina Faso. Once you go down, it’s hard to get up. But if you place one hand on a ball, Mark Clattenburg will give you a happy ending. Hope you are enjoying that groin injury, Nani. At least it’s in an area you are unlikely to use. Karma.

Tottenham 3 Inter Milan 1. One of the best ever games at the Lane. A deathbed memory if you were there and a source of justifiable pride. An occasion where prolonged man-on-man hugging is entirely acceptable. Milk the excitement for all it’s worth. 14 heroes and Harry.