Things to do in London when you're dead

Dream of long, dark nights of the soul, drinking wine (red or white, but never rose) with women of suspect virtue; decompose gracefully, smirk silently from beyond at the unpaid bills of EDF, British Gas, Thames Water, Camden Council, Plus.net, Sky and Setanta, your landlord or mortgage lender and the will no-one ever expected; prop up the bar at any trendy nightclub or drinking establishment and marvel at how no-one recognises your deceased status and lack of conversation (a wannabe actress describes you as 'chatty'); go to the Emirates Stadium and sit in a corporate seat with 'le fans nouveau' and become known as the 'wild crazy man who sings all the songs'; stand for Parliament, win a seat and slouch in the backbenches; date a woman who reads celebrity magazines and refers to pop and movie stars by their first name; ensure all your conversations involve the subjects 'money', 'property', 'jobs', 'schools' and 'weight loss'....understand death and death in life are not dissimilar. Pray for a favourable reincarnation and start again......